i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
