my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize