cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
