I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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