PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
