Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
