I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
