i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
