he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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