She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
