So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
