wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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