im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wear drunk well.
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