this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
