I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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