my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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