I seem to have left my pride at pride
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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