Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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