He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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