Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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