operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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