So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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