I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
