ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
