Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
