i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
