Pants 0. Shit 1.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
