dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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