we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
