Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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