dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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