Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize