every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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