I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
