Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize