He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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