I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
