Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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