I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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