Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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