and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
