My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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