it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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