i was born a porn star she said
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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