She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
