I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
