There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
