the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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