if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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