I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and she was petting her beer can
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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