I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
