her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
