i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
