i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
