I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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