but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
