she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
