a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
