Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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