Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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