It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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