You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
