Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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