I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
