Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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