I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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