i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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