Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
