Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
