just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
