I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
