We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize