Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
