my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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