My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize