So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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