The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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