toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
