i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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