Yo dont text me then not text me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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