Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize