The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
