I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize