I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
