nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
