I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
