i love accidental penises.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
