Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My ass is underappreciated
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
