Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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