why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Houston, we have a blender
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
