i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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