Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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