she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
