pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
