So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
