just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize