no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
