Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
