I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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