I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
