3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
no, he came in my armpit
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
