I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
