I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
