found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
