16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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