How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
