is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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