genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
