Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
