Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
