you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
