I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
FUCK WHALES
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